Chris Wheeler, Prognosticator of Prognosticators

Although I don't dislike Chris Wheeler as much as some folk do, there are certain things he does throughout the broadcast that regularly jar me out of my blissful, Kalas-induced malaise. Foremost among these Wheelerisms is his penchant for predicting what is about to happen in the game.

Part of what I love about sports is their spontaneity, and having someone sit there and call out which pitch is coming while Cole Hamels is in the middle of his windup drives me up the damn wall, much like talking through someone's backswing would. But what cracks me up is when, after matter-of-factly stating what will happen, the opposite transpires and Wheels has to mutter through why what he thought should happen, didn't.

Now in the following example from last night's game, Wheels wasn't quite so matter of fact with his prediction, so perhaps we're being a little heavy-handed in our RedLasso'ing (h/t: goot), but after years of enduring the guy in the theater whispering about how the movie ends, any comeuppance feels good.

In the 9th inning last night, Wheels predicted that the Phils probably wouldn't steal second, which they promptly did. What makes this episode of Wheels Is Totally Wrong even better is that he's implying that the Braves are doing something unnecessary in trying to plan out the throwing play to catch a possible steal, as if he knows better than they do, and then BAM—Jayson Werth rips second and ends up at third on a throwing error.

Take that, Wheeler! Admittedly, Wheels wasn't being very annoying with this particular prediction, just saying it was unlikely, but the fact that it happened the second he took a breath after saying it wouldn't... That's some sweet comeuppance.

Comments

[gootman]

I hate Wheels, he annoys the crap out of me.

[Bryan]

...and now lets go to Tom McCarthy in the stands with a report on how many stitches are in a baseball, T-Mac?

[dapopeovoz]

MIDDLE IN!

[Tartan69]

There are a few times that he nails it though...offhand I can recall in the Boston series when Cole (I think) threw inside on Manny, and Wheels said "look for Manny to be peeved and swing from the heels and try to kill the ball on this next pitch". He was thrown a nasty change-up and he did indeed try to swing out of his shoes and he looked flat-out silly. So 1 correct prognostication out of 100 isn't too shabby...

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is worse than his "defend against the double defense" comments though.

[How do you spell retard?]

@Bryan
Those T-Mac reports are the dumbest thing in sports.
I used to like Wheels in an ironic 'he's terrible he's good' way, but now he's just getting damn annoying.
Sarge is my favorite now.

[j-dawg]

he overrationalizes everything that happens. He just rambles about it. I bet he could talk for a good ten minutes on why a cow picked are particular part of the grass to shit on

[j-dawg]

correction:

picked "a" particular

[Bryan]

@How do you spell retard?

I totally agree. The one that always sticks with me is when he was basically doing a commercial for the CBP apparel store in the middle of the game. Who in the front office thinks these games need more talking?? Wheeler is more than enough! And that 'no doubles defense' drives me nuts, I can hear it coming a mile away in those late innings.

[ricky]

You can hear it in his voice when he says "Here it is.." when the replay is starting he is so annoyed he has to analyze his mistake.

I also like how NO MATTER WHAT he is saying, he will interrupt himself to either read a graphic on the screen or tell you who the camera is on.

He is terrible, always has been. He never shuts up. Harry is great because he knows there can be silence in the booth, it makes it feel like he's watching the game with you, not teaching it to you.

Wheels thinks he invented baseball.

[Fleeting]

And now the Chrysler Keys to the game:

Score More runs than the other team.

Don't give up more runs than you score.

T-Mac, over to you.

Thanks Wheels. I was just asking the Dietz and Watson delivery guy what they put in hot dogs. He didn't answer me, back to you Harry.

[John]

Ha, great posts. Wheels annoys me, but seriously, whose idea was it to cut to T-Mac every game with a non-sensical commentary?

[pilgrim]

The innings that Wheels works the booth are a fuckin' godsend compared to Gary Matthews. I used to despise Wheels, but after a couple seasons of Sarge I've come to realize just how much worse it can be. During the 4th and 5th innings when he and McCarthy are on duty, I am no longer a Phillies fan. Instead, I root for outs, for 1-2-3 innings, so that the pain and misery they inflict will be over as soon as possible.

There should be a plaque mounted on the wall next to them when they are calling games that says "Do you really think anyone listening to this broadcast gives a fuck about what you are talking about right now?" so that when they realize that 95% of the time the answer is no, they will know to shut up.

[Gaze]

Not as bad as Harry Kalas' botched home run calls. I'm pretty sure he had one in the 9th inning yesterday that was an obvious warning track ball.

[Steve]

Gaze, Harry is never wrong. Never.

[Michael H]

My only question, how does T Mac pick his spots for giving us his unnecessary uninformative reports? Seriously does he wander around the stadium. Press box, bleachers, he'll be in the bathrooms next. Also, since we are analyzing the broadcasters, I've been listening to Harry since I was a kid, I love the guy to death. Last week Ryan Howard was up. Harry said something like this
"Here's the 1-2 to Howard"
The count was 3-1 and that pitch was ball 4. Harry just sat there for about a second or two and said well that will bring up Pat Burrel.

I hate Wheels.

[Jonn]

Never.... EVER defame the name of Harry Norbert Kalas (born March 26, 1936). If you threw on top of that a "Joe Pa should retire" statement I would hunt you down. What's next, the Vet wasn't the most glorious sports facility since the Roman Coliseum? Or perhaps booing Santa is a bad thing to do? Man...

[ZAS]

Gaze is right about K's call last night. He thought Utley's tracker was gonna head out in the 9th. He sounded so deflated when it didn't go. But that's not annoying, it's why he's the best.

[SmegmaTomatagram]

Perfectly stated ZAS... He's also a great tipper... Just wanted to put that out there, it tells you a lot about a person sometimes... I bet Wheels barely looks you in the eye.

[Michael C]

Love Harry. Hate Wheels. Attempting to find new negative emotion to describe my feelings for Sarge. He sounds like the parody of Bill Cosby on 'Family Guy'.

Does anyone notice, though, that Harry's play by play gets a little... fuzzy in the late innings?

[hocuspocus]

that's good wheels, i never knew you didn't go until the pitch was thrown. thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Titus Pullo]

When the Phillies face a side-arm pitcher, the viewer is repeatedly subjected to this annoying Wheeler-ism:

"This guy's got a real funky delivery."

[Pete D]

By the way, WTF was up with Werth's slide on this play? He's on his back with his feet in the air about 10 feet from the bag. I remember watching that last night and thinking maybe he thought he was taking out a double play or something.

[Michael H]

Thank God this was posted. The other night I was watching the Phils with my dad and I said I fuckin hate wheels and he replied the same. Guy just thinks he invented baseball

[Rob]

Werth's slide - I think maybe he thought the ball was going to hit him? I don't know, it was goofy, looked like a kid on a slip-n-slide for the first time.

[Bryan]

@Pilgrim
During the 4th and 5th innings when he and McCarthy are on duty, I am no longer a Phillies fan. Instead, I root for outs, for 1-2-3 innings, so that the pain and misery they inflict will be over as soon as possible.

that was hilarious.

[Hawks93]

I want to know whose brilliant idea it was to exile LA to radio only.

[john]

I hate wheels. He NEVER closes his extra-large pie hole. He NEVER says anything insightful. He ALWAYS drones on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...