Pat Burrell Gets The Onion Treatment

PHILADELPHIA—8-year-old Easton, PA Little Leaguer Tyler Jenson and 31-year-old professional baseball player Pat Burrell were given identical tips on improving their swings and properly hitting a baseball Monday night. "Remember to keep your elbow up, keep your knees bent, and keep your eye on the ball," said both 45-year-old hardware-store manager and father of three Dale Kremke and retired Major League Baseball veteran of 18 years Milt Thompson to the two struggling hitters. "Watch the ball out of the pitcher's hand, and just meet the ball with the bat. Come on, now, just takes one." Both Burrell and Jenson struck out in their next at bat and returned to their respective dugouts in tears.

Insert obligatory "8 year olds" joke here.

>>8-Year-Old Little Leaguer, 31-Year-Old Professional Given Same Advice [TheOnion]

Comments

[Bryan]

I think the Onion should have subbed Ryan for Pat...

[sean]

8-year olds Dude

[johndewar]

Pat Burrell is a machine. Machines don't cry.

[j-dawg]

its ok, pat definitely pulls more tail than the 8 year old

[Bryan]

@Sean, "What's a pederast, Walter?"

[Lenny]

John: I don't know. We just cry. You know. When it hurts.
Terminator: Pain causes it?
John: Uh-unh, no, it's different… It's when there's nothing wrong with you but you hurt anyways. You get it?
Terminator: No.

Terminator: I know now why you cry. But it's something I can never do.

[enrico]

+1 johndewar, +2 Lenny

[Rosco]

I heard both the 8 year old and Pat were scene making time with the ladies a a Gentlemen's Club later in the night.

[Clare]

Pat also taught the 8-year-old how to shotgun a beer and how to remove a bra with one hand.

[Loqiel]

Those are definitely life skills, right up there with being a killer beer pong player, and being able to belch the Pledge of Allegiance. No man should go without.