Wilt Chamberlain's Giant Christmas 'Package' (and Other Stories)
The following post was written by Miss Gossip of FanHouse and SunsGossip infamy. If you don't know, you better aaaask somebody!
I actually haven't been on the Illadel scene since my college days, so my sports memories are permanently frozen in that era...
The year was 2000 -- an exciting time for certain college basketball fans in Philadelphia. UPenn had a perfect Ivy League season, led by point guard sensation and third all-time scorer MICHAEL JORDAN. No, for real, that was his name, look it up! He even wore number 23. I used to prank call him all the time, asking for Rayovac batteries and stuff. 
The Great One then graduated but Philly was still hot on basketball. The year was 2001, the Sixers were making their run to the Finals, and the team looked like this:
From left to right: Allen Iverson, Larry Brown, Raja Bell, Dikembe Mutombo.
(Not pictured: Aaron "Sixth Man" McKie, Tyrone "Callll Tyrone" Hill, and Eric "Milk Dud" Snow, among many others.)
Sadly, I had to leave Philly right as the Sixers ended their "monster" season in Game 5 of the Finals against the Lakers. I graduated and moved to Connecticut to work at a company that sold sports tchotchkes.
One of my favorite tchotchkes was a 76ers Santa Claus. Of course now I can't find a picture of it, but it ended up looking similar to this Celtics one:
The way the company worked, our in-house artists would sculpt prototypes of new products and then we'd send the designs to China for mass production by children. For some reason all of our sculptors happened to be Eastern European immigrants who spoke limited English. When we explained the concept of the "Sixers Santa" they didn't quite get it ... so instead of sculpting a rolly-polly Santa character, they decided to just add Santa details to our existing Wilt Chamberlain figurine. 
When they showed us the first prototype, the feedback went something like this: "Ok, great job on the coloring, perfect Santa hat, nice beard, ... um.... ok, wait.... yeah, you're going to have to reduce his, um, package area." Much confusion ensued as we tried to explain in simple English why Wilt's "manhood" was not very "Santa-like." But on the real -- Philly is so gully that if a Sixers Santa does exist, he probably is a pipelayer.
Booooooooooo!
in the photo of Wilt, is his manhood really hanging out? and was that his official picture from that year?
Posted by: Sid | Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 11:30 AM
Ha. I was at Temple when you were at Penn. Some of the best Chaney squads ever during that era, and some great matchups down at The Palestra. Michael Jordan sure was something to watch, even if he was dropping bombs over our matchup zone.
I don't know where your old company got its facts on Santa though... I imagine he's quite the swingman.
I was going to be so disappointed if we didn't get a Miss Gossip cartoon... ya done real good, Miss G.
Posted by: Matt P | Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 12:07 PM
Was there no Charles Barkley figurine to add Santa details to? That would have been a lot more accurate.
Posted by: Walklett | Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 12:37 PM
I guess that explains why the Eagles fans booed Santa all those years ago. I mean, you can't be light in the shorts and expect to got any respect in a town like Philly...
Posted by: Da Big O | Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 08:12 PM
The Cookie Monster Dikembe Mutumbo is a classic Miss Gossip cartoon, but I want but I want an original!
That Philly fan looks like she could pass for Santa
Posted by: OaklandGurl | Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 09:36 PM
You're crazy, girl! We need more Miss Gossip posts all over the internets...
Posted by: JONESONTHENBA | Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 11:42 PM