When I was a kid I loved the Phillies, but I also had a thing for the Oakland A's of the late 80's. Who didn't? The Bash Brothers. Dave Stewart. Dave and Rickey Henderson. Eck. Walt Weiss. Terry Steinbach. Hell, even Tony La Russa, I'll admit it. My friend Scott and I would play both sides of the Phils-A's World Series matchup in all-day wiffleball marathons, attributing the stats from the Daily Times box scores to the representations we created of each player, and counting balls, strikes, baserunners, home runs, RBIs, and everything in between. OK, not everything, as we hadn't yet been exposed to advanced stats.
Up on our walls were posters of all the athletes we wanted to be. Randall Cunningham, Reggie White, Lenny Dykstra, Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire... Two of those names are are still regularly in the news, or more often, gossip columns, and never for anything close to a good reason, although they can be at least mildly entertaining at times if you're into cringe-worthy spectacles. Like today for instance, when it was announced that Lenny Dykstra and Jose Canseco are going to square off in a celebrity boxing match.
Given how far these guys have fallen from their days on the postered walls of young America, the only real surprise is that it took so long for someone to profit from them trying to punch each other on pay-per-view. While we're in the way-back machine here, the tweet I first saw announcing this bout was posted by @Philsvilleblog, reading:
#embedly_twitter_49779628{background:url(http://a0.twimg.com/images/themes/theme1/bg.png) #C0DEED; padding:20px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 p{background:#fff;padding:10px 12px 0px 12px;margin:0;min-height:48px;color:#000;font-size:18px;line-height:22px;-moz-border-radius:5px;-webkit-border-radius:5px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .embedly_tweet_content{background:#fff;padding:10px 12px 10px 12px;margin:0;min-height:48px;color:#000;font-size:18px !important;line-height:22px;-moz-border-radius:5px;-webkit-border-radius:5px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 p span.metadata{display:block;width:100%;clear:both;margin-top:0px;height:40px; padding-bottom: 12px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 p span.metadata span.author{line-height:15px;color:#999;font-size:14px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 p span.metadata span.author a{line-height:15px;font-size:20px;vertical-align:middle} #embedly_twitter_49779628 p span.metadata span.author img{float:left;margin:0 10px 0 0px;width:48px;height:48px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 p a {color: #0084B4; text-decoration:none;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 p a:hover{text-decoration:underline} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .embedly_timestamp{font-size:13px;display:inline-block;margin-top: 5px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .components-above span.embedly_timestamp{font-size:10px;margin-top: 1px;line-height:12px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 a {color: #0084B4; text-decoration:none;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 a:hover{text-decoration:underline} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-screen-name {font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-full-name {padding-left: 4px; color: #999; font-size: 12px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-actions{margin-left: 10px;font-size:13px;display:inline-block;width:250px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .components-above span.tweet-actions{font-size:10px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .controls{line-height:12px!important} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-actions a {margin-left:5px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-actions a b{font-weight:normal} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .components-above span.tweet-actions a b{vertical-align:baseline;line-height:12px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .components-above .tweet-text{font-size:13px;vertical-align:baseline} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-image {float: left; width: 40px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-user-block-image {float: left; width: 48px; height: 48px} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-row {margin-left: 40px; margin-top: 3px;line-height: 17px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-user-block {margin-left: -40px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .stream-item {padding-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 12px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .simple-tweet-image img {margin-top: 4px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .simple-tweet-content {margin: 0 0 13px 0px; font-size: 14px; min-height:48px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .in-reply-to-border {border-color: #EBEBEB; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px 0 0;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .in-reply-to-text {margin-left: 4px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 10px; color: #999; font-size: 12px;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-actions i {background: transparent url(http://a2.twimg.com/a/1306889658/phoenix/img/sprite-icons.png) no-repeat;width:15px;height:15px;margin:0 4px -3px 3px;outline: none; text-indent:-99999px;vertical-align:baseline;display:inline-block;position:relative;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-actions a.retweet-action i {background-position:-192px 0;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-actions a.reply-action i {background-position:0 0;} #embedly_twitter_49779628 .tweet-actions a.favorite-action i {background-position:-32px 0;}
Stay in the game with the latest updates on your beloved Philadelphia sports teams! Sign up here for our All Access Daily newsletter.
@Philsvilleblog
Phils-ville Joey Buttafuoco just said on Stern that Lenny Dykstra is replacing Michael Lohan in a PPV celebrity boxing match this Sat. Dude vs. Canseco.
Nov 02 via HootSuiteFavoriteRetweetReply
Yes, Joey Buttafuoco, another name emblazoned in our minds as children, never to leave, made this announcement. He and "The Long Island Lolita," Amy Fisher, had an affair, and while only 17, she shot his wife in the head. Howard Stern was one of our first corrupters, and we learned a great many things from his show long before we probably should have. All of which makes that tweet just about perfect in its crystallization of the current news...
Not only is the Dude going to fight Jose Canseco... HE'S A STAND-IN FOR MICHAEL LOHAN?
Sadly, I'm not sure there was any validity to the Lohan part. The official announcement this morning does not mention Lohan, instead saying Dykstra will replace Tareq Salahi, whose name is now the only one in this post I wouldn't have recognized had it not been for the immediate noting that he was "the White House Party Crasher." Replacing this guy with Lenny Dykstra is a celebrity boxing promoter's dream come true, although the statement indicates that Lenny wanted in on this fight to settle a score with Canseco:
News
"Canseco ruined my career by spreading lies. I called Tareq and begged him to let me take his place in the upcoming fight against Canseco," said Dykstra in a statement.
If this isn't a cautionary tale for current Major Leaguers, I don't know what is. Sure,
these guys have lived some great moments on and off the field, stuff most of us will never know the feeling of. But how many stars—and these guys were HUGE in their day—want to end up in some embarrassing spectacle like this, bringing even greater spotlight on their rampant steroid use during those great playing days, their declines since then, including the fact that they're broke before the age of 50 despite making millions playing the game?
Considering Dykstra was overweight and incoherent the last few times we've seen him and Canseco is still juicing for off-the-radar baseball games and fights like these, this likely isn't going to end well for Nails...
They say steroids ruined a childhood of great baseball for people my age. I never felt that way really, but man if these two in particular don't keep trying.