The Evster

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  • Jul 22, 2016

    Indego Bike Share: How does it work? Does it suck? Will you die?

    First off, can we all please agree that people who ride bicycles with toe clips and bike shoes and bike gloves and spandex are by far the biggest weirdos on the planet? It’s like, dude, you’re riding up Spruce Street, not the Pyrenees. My six-year-old cousin Wesley rides his bike while eating meatballs. You don’t need special socks.  Regardless,...

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  • Jul 8, 2016

    NBA CARICATURE T-SHIRTS ARE BACK

    If you are under the age of 29, or consider yourself a hashtag millennial, then I can’t imagine this post will be of any interest to you. The title might as well be “NBA Flarfs are back!” But if you were born sometime between 1971 and 1986, the shooting pains you are suddenly feeling are called “heart palpitations,” and the…

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  • Jun 24, 2016

    Some tips for Ben Simmons on his first day in Philly

    Despite Philadelphia fans’ reputation as roughneck, lunatic, mouth-breathers, we are actually quite sensitive. Delicate little flowers in constant need of positive reinforcement. Say something bad about our city and we’ll chuck a Duracell at your dome. But take one bite of Dalessandros cheesesteak on the Jimmy Fallon Show and say “I could live in Philly”  and we will EAT …...

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  • Jun 21, 2016

    Exclusive speculation on Ben Simmons's workout with Sixers by a guy who definitely was not there

    Earlier today, it was reported by the Inquirer’s Sixers’ beat writer Keith Pompey — whose job is to follow around a professional basketball team and write about them — that Ben Simmons finally worked out for the team on Tuesday morning.  Here is the article, IN ITS ENTIRETY, below: That’s it. That’s the whole article. No details. No elaboration....

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  • Jun 17, 2016

    Two Minutes of Glory: The Dahntay Jones Story aka Dahntay Jones Played Two Minutes (Two Actual Minutes) During Last Night's NBA Finals

    Dahntay Jones is an incredibly mediocre basketball player. The 13-year journeyman has played for ten teams throughout his professional career, sucking for pretty much every one of them, including two separate stints with the D-League’s Fort Wayne Red Ants and one earlier this year with the Grand Rapids Drive who apparently are real.  Dahntay Jones is so bad at...

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  • Jun 10, 2016

    A pretty in-depth Euro 2016 preview for people who own multiple soccer scarves

    Last week, after I wrote an NBA Finals recap that appeared on this very website, loyal The700Level reader FartBlaster69 asked, “What does this have to do with Philadelphia sports?” And while our good pal FB Six Niner is right, the post had nothing to do with Philly sports, I like to think that some Philadelphians are actually interested in...

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  • Jun 6, 2016

    The Cleveland Cavaliers are SOFT

    I shouldn’t even have used all caps in the title of this post. That symbolizes some sort of aggression, or energy, or enthusiasm. And the Cavs have none of that. NONE. Their game two performance was soft. I’m talkin’ Chewy Chips Ahoy, Charmin toilet paper, fluffy mashed potatoes, whipped cream cheese, Michael Bublé pillow talkin’ Bridget Jones’s Diary, Puff’s...

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  • Jun 3, 2016

    A bunch of sort of interesting/not that interesting pictures from game one of the NBA Finals

    Lotta great storylines to talk about following game one. Carmelo Livingston bringing back the midrange jumper. Barbosa going barbonkers™. Kevin Love pump-faking, driving to the hoop and whipping a cross-court pass off the side of the backboard.  But we’re not going to be discussing any of that today. Partially because we’re not going to be discussing anything. I’m going...

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  • May 27, 2016

    I know I'm supposed to love Russell Westbrook, but I don't love Russell Westbrook

    Look, let’s get one thing clear right off the bat. I love watching Russell Westbrook play basketball. The dude is bonkers. Flying around the court with reckless abandon. Tomahawk rams on people’s necks. Pogo-stick pull-ups on the fast break where he just rises up on a dime like Guo Jingjing (she’s a Chinese diver, I looked her up) bouncing...

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  • May 20, 2016

    Watch: The Evster breaks down the No. 1 pick

    Lotta debate about the Philadelphia 76ers and the No. 1 pick. Not really. I break it down anyway.

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